“That’s My Boy” Movie Review

     Mark my words, Adam Sandler's latest comedy offering, "That's My Boy", will be his undoing.  The proverbial final nail in the coffin, for me anyway.  As if the deplorable "Just Go With It" and multiple Razzi winner "Jack and Jill" weren't enough, "That's My Boy" reaches new lows and represents quite possibly one of the worst films I've seen in quite sometime.  I'll put it this way.  I really don't want to write this review, but doing so has me feeling as though I'm sending the type of warning the Nostromo crew would've killed for.

     The premise is as immature as it is disgusting.  If you remember Van Halen's "Hot for Teacher" video, think of it as the one way attraction going both ways.  An eighth grader has the hots for his teacher and one day during a detention he received for unwelcome advances, the teacher brings him in her office and makes his dreams come true.  When the news goes public, Donnie is getting high fives from everyone in school.  Problem is, the teacher, Mrs. McGarricle (Eva Martino) is pregnant with his child and is now sentenced to 30 years in prison for sex with a minor.

     Fast forward to present day and a 40 something, washed up Donnie is debt to the IRS for $43,000.  We are told Donnie's unique story reaped him fame and temporary fortune through Reality TV, books, and magazine covers.  Unfortunately, Donnie hasn't spent wisely and he needs the money to avoid going to prison, so says his attorney played by none other than New York Jets coach Rex Ryan who apparently has better things to do than coach his sorry team.  Donnie devises a plan with a Jerry Springer type reality show host to reunite Mrs. McGarricle, himself, and their son at the prison she is incarcerated at.  The host agrees to pay Donnie $50,000.

     This leads to Donnie reconnecting with his son, who has changed his name from Han Solo (yes, Han Solo) to Todd after moving away from Donnie at age 18.  Todd (played by SNL alum Andy Samberg) has become wealthy as a hedge fund manager and is days away from his wedding when Donnie shows up unexpectedly.  At this point, the story moves through a series of raunchy and unfunny sketches which neither further the ridiculous plot, nor make the audience laugh.  It's as if the filmmakers expect dick, fart, and bodily fluid jokes in mass to still be funny and sell in every Sandler movie.  Any sense of comic timing is ruined by the recurrent use of the F word by Sandler's vile and unlikeable character, as they pour on the crudeness as if we haven't seen it before. It's so desperate it has to go way back into the well and have Donnie try and make "Wazzzzzz Upppppppp" from the old Bud Light commercials seem funny again.  It's not, even when the Chinese help say it.  Yes, this film is worse than "Little Nicky."

     If you need one more reason to take a pass on this pile of trash, than I'll leave you with this tidbit.  Vanilla Ice plays a central role in the film which has him on screen for the entire third act.  Yes, really.  In addition, Todd Bridges appears in two scenes working as a short order cook at a roller skating rink.  Ironically, if Adam Sandler keeps making duds like this, he'll be right next to him, playfully taunting him with "What you talking about Willis", which is a line in the film as well. GRADE: F-